Did you drink the Kool-Aid?

I hear an awful lot about "positive parenting" and "conscious discipline" these days. What's the deal with that?

I mean, I get it. Be the best parent you can be to your kids and try not to screw them up too much. I'm on board with that. But, it's a theory.

Let me say that again, it's a theory.

Our parents had Dr. Spock and maybe even Dr. Sears depending on how old you are. Now we have an overload of judgement and "guidance" from books, the internet, parenting groups and everywhere else we turn. Not only are we encouraged to empower our children and communicate with empathy and patience, we also have to cook homemade organic and healthy meals, participate in educational one-on-one learning activities and keep TV viewing minimal. Oh, and did I mention provide food, shelter, love and the rest of the basics?

Yeah. OK. That's realistic.

Anyway, back to positive parenting. I agree with the concepts in theory - teaching children to name their emotions, encouraging choices, using empathy to connect with your children and choosing intrinsic motivation instead of rewards.

This is a lot harder than it sounds. In practice, with an eighteen-month old sitting in your lap while your throws balls at the TV and dangles your (plugged in) iPhone in the dog water bowl, it is pretty damn tough to use empathy and patience.

My problem with positive parenting isn't really the concepts, it's the followers. The term, "followers," was intentionally used - it's like a cult. Or more accurately, followers are like those religious people that are sure that what they believe is right and that everyone else is a fool for not embracing it. With that comes a lot of judgement. Maybe it's just a fundamental difference in parenting (and living?) styles. I subscribe to the "live and let live" approach and I think that positive parenting followers often think that it is their responsibility to use every opportunity to teach other parents the proper way of parenting. It's truly disappointing.

And so, I'm back to Dr. Spock...
And of course, Bill Cosby (because who doesn't need humor in parenting?)...

The more people have studied different methods of bringing up children, the more they have come to the conclusion that what good mothers and fathers instinctively feel like doing for their babies is the best after all.

- Benjamin Spock

In spite of the six thousand manuals on child raising in the bookstores, child raising is still a dark continent and no one really knows anything. You just need a lot of love and luck - and, of course, courage.

- Bill Cosby